Saturday, September 12, 2009

Ramadan/Jihad experience #2

So, I haven't blogged much for a while for a couple reasons.
  1. School started last week and i haven't figured out how to manage my work and school schedule. So, I've been trying to sleep/study/work/live/worship all at once and its still not coming together yet. 
  2. Since I have my own laptop, I realize that for me to use it occasionally, I must have working internet that I pay for which is very hard to find if you are a conspiracist like me! 
  3. I have been feeling very alone lately. Its hard to explain, but since Ramadan started I feel a tad abandoned. I'm the only convert I know/talk to (yes as in I talk to myself) that actually gives a rat's ass about this crazy experience called, First in the Life of a Convert (made that up myself). Everyone expects it or can't relate, but its driving me insane. I eat by myself most of the time, if there's a question, there isn't someone that I have to sit in front of me and answer or hug if I have a sudden nervous break down of some sort.  So, since I'm back to fasting after my week long break, I have been doing random things to distract me from not eating and realizing that noone is around me. For example, I've stimulated the economy quite a bit because  I usually eat out of boredom, but since I can't, I shop. I can't manage to get to sleep, so I shop. 
So, yeaaaaaa basically I'm strugglin' as usual, but its all good. Strugglin' is good right? Right. So, I'll take it in stride. *sigh* ... I should get going... I need sleep before I go back to work. 
P.S. if you don't hear from me before Eid, Eid Mubarak! lol just in case I sleep through Eid or something.