So, lately I've been dying to go to Jumma, but there's one little problem. I'm horrified.
WHY? Let me explain:
I've read soooooo many stories about sisters' first experiences at Jumma and it's mortifying. I mean people judge everywhere and I shouldn't be shocked, but what if some random person is all "why do you have on that?" or what if I don't pray right or what if I get so nervous from being around strangers (of which I must remind you I don't like) that I destroy my wudu?
I know it sounds silly and I know I'm over thinking, but I'm like a 6 year old trapped inside a very small 20 year old and when I get around people who have been Muslim like their whole life, I just freak. I don't know why. I try to ignore mean people who think its their duty to judge every Muslim in world on how weak or strong their iman is, but damn its hard. And I cry!
Yea, that's right I cry.
So, basically, I don't think I'm emotionally prepared. I don't effing know. Maybe I shouldn't go alone. But as I said before I have like one Muslim friend and we haven't hung out outside of class.
Ya Allah! I don't know what to do! I'm starting to get clammy just thinking about it.
Now, I know I shouldn't care because Jumma is to praise Allah and praising Allah should be my motivation and whatnot, and it is trust me, but *shivers* strangers. EVERYWHERE! All around me. Looking at me, wondering where I'm from, staring at me, backbiting (and don't act like people don't do it - Dedra knows), it just throws me off.
So, now I'm hoping maybe I'll just make a new Muslim friend who'll convince me that I should't feel the urge to pass out when praying with other brothers and sisters who are, insha'allah, there to do the same thing; praise Allah.
So, who wants to be my friend?